Coming to Christ

My coming to Christ

I attended Trinity Lutheran Church for almost two years.  One day Dr. Krieger preached a sermon about how glad we can be that we know we are going to heaven when we die.  I was not certain about that and began to ask God what was the matter with me, a Sunday Christian but lost the rest of the week.   I decided it would make me feel better if I joined the Bible study.

One night I had a dream about Jesus coming out of the Eastern sky, riding on white horses.  It was the month of May.  All I felt was dread because I was not ready.  The second scene, there was yellow snow on the ground.  The third scene was a drone’s view of a congregation worshipping in a synagogue or temple – people dressed in native garb from every nation.

Again, I asked God what was wrong with me.  I had another dream.  I was in a dark room and there was a door which led to God.  I knew all about God but I had never been through the door.  I wondered why I had never opened the door to go in.  I came to understand that my belief in God was rooted in my need for Him to be in control of the chaos, in my life and in the world.  If there was no god, I faced insanity.  I needed Him to be real so I did not lose my mind.  My belief was based, not on salvation but on my own mentality.  And I had never tested Him, tried Him, put my faith in Him.  I was afraid to find out the truth.

One year went by.  I was preoccupied with my 4^th pregnancy.  Michael was born in February of 1971. Three months later, on a beautiful May day, the other three children were outside playing and I was on the bed, post-partum depression hit. I cried.  And I finally told God that He was now Lord; and if nothing came of my life, it would not be my fault because He was now Lord.  I could not go on without Him.

A few weeks later, I wrestled over a passage of scripture and told God, “Didn’t you say in your Word that you would lead me into all truth?” I knew the confusion I was in was not of God.  The next time I opened the Bible, I understood everything I read.  I had called him to account and He answered.